I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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