I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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