from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
