Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
