I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
then he tried to convert me to islam
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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