I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize