i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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