What did we do last night that was yellow?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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