no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
