Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
