his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
