..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
