Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
