Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
