32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Randomize
