Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
