I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
from now on my penis is your penis
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
