brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
