Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
