I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
God, I missed his penis.
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