Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
