Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize