he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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