her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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