I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
