Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
