how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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