your thong is hanging out like whoa
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
