My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
