not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
