was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
ttyl tear gas
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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