We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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