just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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