drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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