I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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