I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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