Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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