I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
