God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
