ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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