You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
