We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
