No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
