I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
