How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
