he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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