talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
