spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
