Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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