speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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