Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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