We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
