I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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