She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
