Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We are two peas in an std pod
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
