dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
