I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
