I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
