i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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