FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
