My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so let's talk penis.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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